:: Hurmm :: Hard but Easy ::

HaRd  BuT  EaSy

Sometimes I want to see you 

Sometimes I miss you

Why is this happening??

I don't know why I keep on changing

Even if I didn't LOVE

I knew that I once smiled

I don't know this type of feeling well

Why am I always awkward??

You, who were just like an idiot

 (I'm falling in LOVE with you)

Just like this, so often

I'm becoming more and more like you

I'm going to know you, LOVE you

Even if I was so distant at the beginning

I constantly open my heart towards you

I'm going to know you,LOVE you

Even if I was like coward at the beginning

It seems like we can do anything if we're together

Like or dislike or anything else

I don't even know how I feel towards you

Why is it like that, I don't know

Where is the real me, who get up myself even when I fell often

I don't know the new me

Why is it always so difficult??

Did you ever think of me once or so??

(I'm falling in LOVE with you)

Why can't I bear to speak??

I'm going to know you, LOVE you

Can we fall in LOVE again??

I'm worried about it

I'm already in LOVE with you

You're going to know me, LOVE me

If you give your LOVE, there's something to do

Are you really difficult like me??

We're going to know each other

to LOVE each other

Perhaps as two, I would have cried for a while

If you are like me, please tell me..........

:::: Give Up Mode ::::

Sad...Happy...Smile...Hurmmm.....What can I say...Year 2010 is miserable year for me...I just hope Year 2011 can made me more happier..No more sad..No more tears...What I'm looking is my real LAUGH..my real SMILE...I wan it back!!! Even I can pretend to be HAPPY person,,but the truth is i'm very sick..I'm suffering...Sometimes it's hard for me to breathe...Nobody knows how's my real feeling...I keep motivate myself with POSITIVE thinking...But till when I can hang with this type of life...

I love challenging things but I'm human being...I have feeling...It doesn't mean when I didn't say "No", everything is "OK"...When I said,, " I don't want.."...People said that I dun wan to take responsibility...Do you know how's my feeling?? Do you know how's the feeling...I sacrifice my personal times to satisfy your feeling..to fulfill the task...to fulfill everything... but what I get from this?? Nothing!!!! And I really dun like when people keep blaming each other for the past mistake...Past is Past...We cannot turn back the time...But people tend to find others mistake rather than thinking how it can be solved... I dun understand people's thinking...I dun like to be in this environment...For a person like me, who don't have any experienced,,u should understand how's the feeling when her first job is totally different from her thinking...From first day she stepped in, she's not happy..And she can feel it will hard for her...But she motivated herself that she can do it..She can survive..Sometimes she think,,she joined in a wrong timing...Totally wrong timing..And you know how's my feeling my first working,,I'd be assigned under unstable team...Of course I feel uneasy,,insecure,,demotivated..But I tried to motivate myself...And you know how's the feeling suddenly you become senior?? the SENIOR word feel burden for me...Do you know I cannot enjoy in my Junior time then I have to be Senior?? I try to accept it without thinking the Senior word...Yup,, I should be strong because of my team members...Seem like I already dedicate myself to my team...But,,nobody knows how's my real feeling...I'm also human...I feel tiring...I feel helpless...Damn helpless...And for "Senior", we cannot do any mistake...How come?? We also human...Cannot run from doing mistake..

I'm totally give up with my current job now...It's not worth because of this job, you fall sick...Not only physically but mentally...I realize something,since I'm working,,I also stop smiling..It's not good at all..

I wan my LIFE back...I wan my real LIFE back...I wan too...I'm waiting hardly my HAPPINESS time..Real HAPPINESS....My dear Nisa,, be tough ok!!

~~bother other things..think about yourself..i will~~

                                              ~~his voice...melted feeling~~

:::::My Heart.....My Life....My Hati :::::::

Hidup....Ada apa dengan hidup....Hidup....Hidup ini tak seindah yang kita gambarkan..Yup...Aku akui ini semua benar..Tapi kita sebagai manusia harus tahu bagaimana untuk menocrakkan hidup kita ini untuk menjadi indah atau sebaliknya...Hanya kita yang mampu mengubahnya..Hidup ini penuh pancaroba...Pahit manis suka duka menajdi warna dalam kehidupan kita...Inilah namanya kehidupan...Berbalik kepada kehidupan aku sekarang ini...Hurmm...Banyak yang telah aku pelajari selame aku hidup di muka bumi ini....Walaupun pahitnye lagi banyak dari manis,,tapi aku bersyukur kerana aku masih bernafas di atas muka bumi ini..Ya Allah,,terima kasih di atas segala kurniaanMu...Aku bersyukur dan redha dengan apa yang telah Kau takdirkan untukku...Aku percaya bahawa Kau mempunyai Jawapan bagi semua Soalan2 ku...Dan aku sebagai hambaNya harus sabar dan tabah menunggu Jawapan dariMu...Terima kasih Ya Allah.......

Tentang kehidupanku....Jujurnya...Tahun 2010 merupakan tahun yang amat payah bagiku...Aku juga manusia biasa...Kadangkala aku tergelincir dari landasan hidup ini...Seringkali juga aku sesat dan hilang dalam mencari arah hidup...Apabila aku berada di dalam situasi ini,,seringkali membuatkan aku berfikir hidup ini tidak adil...Hidup ini seringkali tidak mendengar apa yang aku inginkan..Dan apabila aku mencari seseorang untuk menemani hati aku yang rawan,,,hati aku yang sedih...selalunya hati aku akan bertamabah sedih...Dan aku banyak memujuk diri sendiri...Wahai diri,,janganlah berduka...Wahai diri,,bertabahlah...Sampaikan satu tahap aku merasekan yang tiada sesiapa dlam dunia ini memahami diriku..Sampaikan satu tahap aku menjadi seorang yang tiada hati..Barangkali aku terlalu penat dengan situasi yang begini...Aku tidak pernah menyalahkan sesiapa dengan apa yang terjadi walhal aku merasakan semua yang terjadi bukan salahku..Tapi aku tetap berfikir,,salah aku jugak...Aku tetap meyalahkan perkara yang terjadi disebabkan aku...Aku insan yang suka meletakkan diriku di belakang...Aku meletakkan perkara2 lain di hadapan berbanding diri aku sendiri...Sukar untukku ubah..Mungkin inilah personalitiku...Aku pernah untuk menjadi sedikit mementingkan diri sendiri..Hakikatnya aku tidak mampu berbuat demikian...Sukar untukku berbuat sebegini...Dan aku juga merupakan insan yang tidak pandai mengeksperesikan sesuatu perasaan..Barangkali aku tidak suka orang2 di sekeliling menunjukkan rasa simpati pada diriku..Aku tidak memerlukan pertolongan..Aku tidak memerlukan simpati..Dan aku amat membenci jika ada insan insan yang cuba untuk membantu aku...Hahaha...Aku alpa...Aku lupa...Aku hidup bukan untuk berseorangan...Kita hanya manusia biasa..Kita tidak boleh menjadi tabah dan kuat sepanjang masa..Kita akan tercedera juga pada suatu masa...suatu ketika...Dan kita harus tabah dan menerimanya dengan redha...Dan jika saat itu tiba,,kita harus membenarkan tangan kita disambut oleh mereka..Dan jangan sesekali menolak mentah pertolongan mereka..Ya,,mungkin kita mengharapkan insan lain yang menolong kita...Tapi,,seringkali apa yang kita harapkan pasti takkan terjadi..Malah menambahkan rasa duka dan luka di hati bertambah parah...Bagi aku,,kita harus menghargai insan2 yang menyanyangi kita seadanya..Insan2 yang sanggup berjuang demi kita..Insan2 yang berada di samping kita tak kira susah ataupun senang...

Thank you so much to my beloved family...Yang sentiasa berada di belakangku ketika aku susah..sedih...Thank you so much my frenss....I love u guys so much...Last but not least,,apa yang boleh aku cakap,,pls dun betray my heart..Once ianya terluka,,aku tidak pasti bilakah ianya mampu sembuh..Once ianya berdarah,,parutnye takkan hilang..And I hope I can be happy and cheerful person...I hope so...

ScArY..Scared...sCaRy..........

"Apparently I look Ok..But Inside I don't think so.." This is my status in my office networking two weeks ago...To be honest,my feeling is much better now eventhough my scary and worry feeling still deep inside my heart...I'm really scared now!!!!!! I'm scared for my future undertakings...I'm scared of my new top management!!! I'm scared of my uneasy feeling!!! I'm scared of my unstable emotion!!! I'm scared of M.Y.S.E.L.F!!!!!!!!!! I'm really scared if I changed to be a bad person...Because now I realized something new bout me..I tend to do something not really good if I have problem..If I stuck ....If I think I'm in helpless mode...If I'm in a bad situation...I tend to do something which is the things that I do actually can make me far away from my Lord...I'm really scared!!!! Pls LORD..Help me..I'm really need you..
What can I do now is THINK POSTIVE!!! Try to not think too much...Never miss PRAY whatever situation you in....I hope that I can overcome of all this OBSTACLES...I really hope!!!

~CoreTaN HiDuP~

Hidup ini tidak indah seperti yg kite gambarkan…Dan untuk mengejar cita-cita yg diimpikan, kita memerlukan banyak pengorbanan…Wow..Mcm nak bermonolog plak…Huhu..Sudah lama aku tidak mencoretkan sesuatu dlm blog nie..Jujurnye alam dewasa aku baru bermula..Dan ianya tidak mudah dan indah seperti yg aku gambarkan..Banyak pahit dari manis yg aku rase..Semasa zaman belajar,,aku mengimpikan utk menjadi seorg akauntan dan bekerja di dalam sebuah “big company”..Company yg ade name..Terkenal..Yes,true..Now,I’m working in one of worldwide company..It’s not easy...And aku selalu menangis..Bkn saje nk nangis..Never thought that I’ll faced something like this in my life..But jujurye mmg very very very hard..Aku tak percaye yg aku jd mcm nie..Seolah-olah aku dh hilang diri aku...Hanye insan2 yg pernah rs di situasi aku ni je yg akan memahami..Tak semua org phm ape yg aku lalui..Aku harus tabah menghadapi semua dugaan nie..Untuk mendapatkan rezeki yg halal, bkn senang..Aku harus berjuang..Aku harus bersemanagt..Aku harus!!!!!!!!..Aku tak pernah rs menyesal dgn jln yg aku pilih..Aku percaye di sebalik semua yg jd nie,ade hikmahNya..