:::: Give Up Mode ::::

Sad...Happy...Smile...Hurmmm.....What can I say...Year 2010 is miserable year for me...I just hope Year 2011 can made me more happier..No more sad..No more tears...What I'm looking is my real LAUGH..my real SMILE...I wan it back!!! Even I can pretend to be HAPPY person,,but the truth is i'm very sick..I'm suffering...Sometimes it's hard for me to breathe...Nobody knows how's my real feeling...I keep motivate myself with POSITIVE thinking...But till when I can hang with this type of life...

I love challenging things but I'm human being...I have feeling...It doesn't mean when I didn't say "No", everything is "OK"...When I said,, " I don't want.."...People said that I dun wan to take responsibility...Do you know how's my feeling?? Do you know how's the feeling...I sacrifice my personal times to satisfy your feeling..to fulfill the task...to fulfill everything... but what I get from this?? Nothing!!!! And I really dun like when people keep blaming each other for the past mistake...Past is Past...We cannot turn back the time...But people tend to find others mistake rather than thinking how it can be solved... I dun understand people's thinking...I dun like to be in this environment...For a person like me, who don't have any experienced,,u should understand how's the feeling when her first job is totally different from her thinking...From first day she stepped in, she's not happy..And she can feel it will hard for her...But she motivated herself that she can do it..She can survive..Sometimes she think,,she joined in a wrong timing...Totally wrong timing..And you know how's my feeling my first working,,I'd be assigned under unstable team...Of course I feel uneasy,,insecure,,demotivated..But I tried to motivate myself...And you know how's the feeling suddenly you become senior?? the SENIOR word feel burden for me...Do you know I cannot enjoy in my Junior time then I have to be Senior?? I try to accept it without thinking the Senior word...Yup,, I should be strong because of my team members...Seem like I already dedicate myself to my team...But,,nobody knows how's my real feeling...I'm also human...I feel tiring...I feel helpless...Damn helpless...And for "Senior", we cannot do any mistake...How come?? We also human...Cannot run from doing mistake..

I'm totally give up with my current job now...It's not worth because of this job, you fall sick...Not only physically but mentally...I realize something,since I'm working,,I also stop smiling..It's not good at all..

I wan my LIFE back...I wan my real LIFE back...I wan too...I'm waiting hardly my HAPPINESS time..Real HAPPINESS....My dear Nisa,, be tough ok!!

~~bother other things..think about yourself..i will~~

                                              ~~his voice...melted feeling~~